Creativity: Self-doubt

Do you remember the post a little while back where I was all like WAHEY I'M WRITING A NOVEL! No? Well, here it is, in case you forgot.

That project stalled, which is why you haven't heard much more about it. I couldn't make the idea work in a way that I wanted it to, if you know what I mean.

I'm having trouble with my writing at the minute. Yesterday I read through a few of my poems that I wrote last year, and they were (if you don't mind me saying) pretty damn good. And I very rarely feel that way about a piece of fiction that I write. Definitely not a piece of extended fiction. So: I feel like my poetry is of a better standard than my fiction. But the thing is, I don't want to write poetry.

There was a time when I really wanted to write poems. I wanted to publish a collection (only ever one collection, mind). I wanted to write poem after poem, and I did, for a while. Now though - by which I mean in the past six months or so - I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to write poems. None at all. And no poetic thoughts or inspiration. It's strange. But I'm happy this way.

What I really want to do is write a novel. So I'm trying again. The idea mentioned in that earlier post has been... re-worked, let's put it that way. There were mermaids in it, and now all the mermaids are gone and now it's just people. There has been vague planning and structuring, and I'm busy playing around with the narrative perspectives and such like. I have a prologue that I'm happy to work with for now. I just need to get my teeth into the main body of it all, don't I.

So, in the words of a certain sports brand: Just Do It.

Creativity: in which I'm writing a novel.

The title says it all, really.

In the last few years I've written mainly poetry. I wrote a lot of fiction in my earlier teens, even into mid-teens when I got 80% through a long novel that I wrote over a couple of years, and then scrapped completely. I've never had much luck with longer creative projects. But I'm hoping that'll change.

I haven't written any poetry since the turn of the year. Nor, strangely, do I have any desire to, at present. None at all. Not even a lingering thought at the very back of my mind. Right now, I would be perfectly content never to write a single poem again. I find this strange, but not as disturbing or upsetting as I would have done in the past. Possibly because my creativity seems to have migrated over to fiction.

This might be because I've been reading a lot of fiction in the last few months, both published books and manuscripts at various work placements. Or it might just be because I've found an idea that I really want to run with. Either way, I'm currently writing a novel.

It's been in the planning stages for a little while. I've worked out an outline and written the prologue, and am currently taking that first big step into Chapter One. I'm reasonably happy with the prologue as it is - I started with a good idea of what I wanted those 1000 words or so to say. The first chapter is proving a little more difficult. I've had an interesting idea that I want to introduce as it would explain a lot of things that I want to bring in later in the plot, but I can't quite seem to get it right.

Possibly because there has been a house full of screaming girls (my sister's school friends) this afternoon when I've been trying to write. But who knows. With some peace and quiet now I might have another go.

Either way, I'm writing. And I just wanted to share this fact with someone because I'm excited about it!

Wish me luck!